A WEEK OF COMMANDMENTS
The title above is misleading because I haven’t any commandments to share with you. Instead, the past week has consisted of a series of events that made me think, “Oh, I should come up with a rule for that.”
Like all the rules I’ve ever come up with to govern decision-making in my life, they are all bound to be ignored and abandoned within a calendar week. In the meantime, I thought I’d share what little lessons I’ve developed this past week before they are forgotten.
With these commandments, I implore you to read this happy little Weekly Post-Ed #57.
Enjoy!
***
SERIOUSLY, WHEN DO YOU POST WEEKLY POST-EDS?
For those who keep asking, here is the official schedule for ALL FUTURE Weekly Post-Eds:
- Ideally, they are published on Wednesdays.
- And sometimes Thursdays.
- Very seldom on Fridays.
- By Saturday, I’d start to worry if it gets posted at all, but it’s still possible.
- Sunday? Who posts on Sundays? No, out of the question…unless I’m running very far behind. Otherwise: No/Maybe.
- Mondays are technically the next week. I wouldn’t post on a Monday. Unless I do. But yuck, I’d rather not.
- Tuesdays are considered “early” and as part of the next Weekly Post-Ed. That being said, does the internet post things early? What proactive operation posts things before deadlines? Go ahead: Name me one.
- Then we’re back to Wednesdays. Ideally, WPs get published on Wednesdays…
Look: as attractive as the “consistent internet writer” identity is to me, sometimes I wonder if the internet-scape is far past the saturation point of information and entertainment—sometimes, I’d rather not babble unless I have something interesting to write about. I appreciate that I have dedicated readers, but in absence of a new Weekly Post-Ed, I would suggest going for a walk outside. Or, really, anything besides perpetually absorbing more things from people looking to be heard on the internet.
TL;DR A new Weekly Post-Ed will be up sometime within a calendar week. So, take a breath, get some air, and hey, read at your leisure when it’s up. I’ll post on Twitter and Instagram (yes, I have those, too) when they’re fully cooked.
Alright, now let’s get to the thick of it.
***
CARRYING TOO MANY THINGS
“If this schedule is true,” I hear you contemplating, complete with wrinkled brow and rubbing of chin, “then where was last week’s Weekly Post-Ed?”
A good question with a defeating answer: I wrote too much and found it unpublishable.
As a visual comparison for what I mean, I invite you to refer to the image below:
While Weekly Post-Eds are kept to about 1000 words, this last week’s WP was eclipsing 3000 and counting. It was a bit much to cram into a single post.
In an idealized world for how I write for my website, I imagine that I carefully plan each Weekly Post-Ed with whimsical sections that are both personal and funny but are also just long enough to be interesting and worth spending the time to read.
In real life, however, I find that I cram everything I can into a single task without regard for it being too much at one time.
Case in point: Collecting laundry this past week.
I caught myself pausing by my desk because I spotted three dirty coffee mugs that needed to be taken downstairs and placed by the kitchen sink. This isn’t remarkable except that I was carrying a laundry basket full of dirty clothes that weighed as much as a dog kennel occupied by two small, napping Dobermans. Needless to say, it never occurred to me to take TWO SEPARATE TRIPS, so I hoisted the laundry basket full of clothes against the wall where I pinned it in place with my body, I then hooked my fingers through the three coffee mug handles in one hand, and slipped my other arm underneath the laundry basket (also just as topsy-turvy as a kennel with two small, napping Dobermans) to balance down two flights of stairs.
(I can sense you’re ahead of the story by now, so I’ll cut to the finale.)
In short: the dirty clothes, like two small, napping Dobermans spotting a squirrel, sprung from laundry basket as I lost equilibrium and spilled all over the floor. I stumbled over a tangle of jeans, which led to one of the mugs flinging free from my fingers and went tumbling down the carpet stairs to, finally, crash into the drywall of the landing. Luckily, it was a Yeti mug, which meant the mug itself was fine, but the impenetrable stainless-steel mass cratered the drywall even further. The coffee mug was saved, the drywall was not.
And all of this was easily avoidable.
You would think the lesson I must have gleaned about carrying too much at once occurred to me immediately, but it did not. Alas, my first thought after picking up was this: “I could have balanced one of the coffee mugs on top of the laundry. I’ll remember that for next time. And what better time to find a stairway landing decoration to permanently place in front of the cratered drywall!”
So, why didn’t last week’s WP get finished on time?
Coffee mugs and laundry baskets.
***
NEW RULES FOR MAKING RULES
Rule #1: I shouldn’t be making rules.
Rule #2: Except when I do.
Rule #3: In which case, there should be a grace period to test out these rules.
Rule #4: If the rules can’t be followed, then they should at least be laughed at and enjoyed for attempting to make sense of a world that makes little sense to begin with.
Rule #5: In response of these rules, please refer to Rule #1 for further guidance.
BONUS:
Rule #6: Last week’s Weekly Post-Ed gets the chance to live on as an editorial that’s due for release in the coming week. So, be on the lookout for something new (finally) and also interesting.
Rule #7: Unless it isn’t. In which case, please refer to Rule #5.
***
- “Tell Me What You Want” by Caroline Rose
- “Sorry Like You Mean It” by HONEYMOAN
- “DAYLIGHT DOOM” by MOTO BANDIT
***
Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there,
