Tag:

dates and details

Weekly Post-Ed #37

by Robert Hyma July 19, 2022

written by Robert Hyma

A TALE OF MILWAUKEE

I took a two-day trip to Milwaukee for two reasons: to get away from West Michigan and experience someplace else for a short while, and to meet a girl. I did both. And while writing this Weekly Post-Ed and describing my experiences, I felt that what I wrote wasn’t quite as true as the journals I kept during my time there. I was writing in a way that portrayed Milwaukee as mundane or uninteresting, which was far from the truth. There were mundane aspects about the trip: the drive was fine, the hotel was fine, the girl was – to put it nicely – fine. So, what gives? I traveled to some place I’ve never seen before, enamored with its architecture and history, a culture that was bustling and interwoven between every race, class, shape, and construct, like a fine soup streaming through the busy sidewalks of the city.

And yet, I was writing about these experiences with a certain expectation after the fact;

I was hoping for something cathartic to happen to me while I was there.

Maybe I was supposed to run into an interesting group of people who would invite me to a party and offset how I saw the world up until that point, or that I might bump into someone in a coffee shop that was intrigued by me. No such things happened, of course, and I’ve sat at my computer for the past few days pondering what exactly to make of my time in Milwaukee.

But maybe this isn’t such a complicated problem. I journaled all of my experiences on the road. The problem is that the length of these writings, even cut and pasted together, is a bit long for a Weekly Post-Ed. So, I’m going to compile these entries into a travelogue about what happened in Milwaukee.

If you can’t wait for the juicy details, here’s a rundown of what happened:

Drove for 4.5 hours straight until arriving in Milwaukee.
Checked into the Drury Plaza Hotel
Walked the streets downtown, saw the river, saw Lake Michigan from the other side (looked similar, really).
Had a date that evening with someone I’ve talked with sparsely from a dating app.
Went to bed.
Spent most of the following day in my hotel, exhausted from a variety of factors (the lingering fatigue of my previous bout with Covid as one of them).
Walked the streets of Milwaukee on a Monday—fun fact, most everything is closed on Mondays in Milwaukee
Had a second date with the same girl; regretted not kissing her when I should have.
Slept early.
Had brunch with this same date. No kiss, again. Regretted it, again.
Drove 4.5 hours home.

And somewhere in there was supposed to be this grand, ubiquitous breakthrough that would provide the foundation for a summer I’ve deemed as a fresh start, a way of cleansing the old for the new.

What I found was that all of this did unfold on the trip, just not in the way I expected.

In fact, I wrote it during my time in the hotel:

“I wouldn’t call it boredom, but there is a feeling of, “Is this all?” And, yes, I think that’s right. This is likely all, and the fun travelers have is the fun they make for themselves.”

The Milwaukee 2022 Travelogue will be posted this weekend. Keep an eye out for that!

***

PHOTOBOMBING

There was a social experiment done at the University of Florida with a photography class. The class was split into two groups: the first group was told they were to be graded on QUANTITY—meaning, they were to take as many photos as possible for the best grade. The second group was told their grade would be based on QUALITY—or deciding upon a select group of photos that best exhibited their skills.

The results of the experiment showed two things: first, that the QUANTITY group not only produced more photos, but that the quality of their photos was better. This was because the pressure to produce a select number of photos to be excellent didn’t exist. The QUANTITY group could take as many photos as they liked and the freedom to experiment led to considerably better results.

The QUALITY group, by contrast, produced a significantly smaller number of photographs. Since the grade was about excellence, the students in this group did not take excess photos that would, as a result, push the boundaries of what they knew currently about photography. In short, the QUALITY group played it safe in order to appease the professor, which led to a stunting of growth with their photography skills and the photographs suffered as a result.

The lesson that has been derived from this social experiment is that with more QUANTITY, it follows there will also be more QUALITY.

Now, I wrote all of that to say that my experiences with dating apps DOES NOT FOLLOW these findings whatsoever.

I’ve been online dating for 13 months (on and off, of course). Over that period, I’ve been on dates with 22 different women. Before this era of dating, I went on a grand total of 3 dates as a teenager and into my early college years, two of these dates developed into serious, long-term relationships (one a brief marriage), and I thought I was doing fairly well in terms of finding romantic partners that connected and resonated with me.

By contrast, the past year has introduced me to dates with such staggering backgrounds and belief systems that I’m often left speechless by stories that I could never fathom to make up as a writer (believe me, I have tried—these stories are much more complex and surprising).

My ultimate goal with dating is to find a meaningful, long-term relationship. And after 13 months, I have to ask: what’s been going wrong over the past year? Why haven’t I found a serious connection?

In short: I don’t know.

And after reading books, articles, and constantly introspecting on the matter…I don’t think anyone does.

It appears we’re living in an era where genuine connection is a trial in and of itself.

But I’ve certainly had a QUANTITY of dates (22 women in just over 52 weeks is a potent sample size in the greater dating world). So why hasn’t this led to better QUALITY in dates?

First, I think bad luck plays a bigger role in the dating world than it does with a skill that can be improved over time like, say, photography. Dating certainly depends on many elements not in your control: natural chemistry, a person’s background/belief system/social ability, which leads to how open and communicative they are as dates, as well as a willingness to keep curious and want to know more about another person. This listing doesn’t account for other social conventions such as access to to instant gratification that has become available – oh, I don’t know – EVERYWHERE in the modern age (streaming services, social media, the internet and the never-ending wealth of information available instantly and from wherever to name a few).

Since all of these variables are ever-shifting, it makes the practice of dating something impossible to master since you aren’t playing with a full deck of cards most nights.

To take the photography example from above a bit further: it’s the equivalent of snapping a photo, but the resulting image is either distorted or that objects shifted in the background without warning. Can you imagine? A tree branch moves in the way of a crimson sunset, a sandhill appears blurry – not because of the camera settings, but just – you know – because it can.

Essentially, everything in the image can “PhotoBomb”—the act of jumping in front, garnering attention, or taking away from the intended intention of the photo by some means.

That about wraps up what online dating feels like—a giant Photobomb that gets in the way of a genuine connection. Oh, things might have gone well except for (and I’ve experienced all of these and more):

“I have a close relationship with my ex, I hope it’s not weird that I sometimes go to his house to spend the night when I need to get things off my chest. He’s such a great listener…”
“I’m sorry, but I’m looking for someone that is seeking a relationship with Jesus like I am. It doesn’t seem like you go to church three nights a week like I do…”
“I don’t trust men. I’ve had a string of bad relationships, the last guy cheated on me with three different girls, and I just don’t see the good in them anymore. Anyway, I’m glad we’re on this date; how was your day?”
And on and on and on it goes…

How does it feel to be on the dating scene for just over a year without the ultimate goal of a serious relationship?

Picture that scene from the original Jumanji when Robin William’s character emerges from the board game and looks like a wild man who has survived the wilderness of a jungle that should have killed him since he was a kid.

Yeah, that’s the psyche of someone who has online dated for too long.

That’s why I take breaks. If not for my own sanity, but to remind myself that the results do not necessarily reflect the person. Will more practice lead to better results? Not really, but I like to think I gain something else with the more dates I go on.

I have Twenty-Two unique stories to tell, each one of them more unique than the last. Each felt promising but was inevitably photobombed by something unexpected. If you think about it, 22 dates without coming close to a functional fit is quite the streak to be on.

I should put together a photo album someday of all these experiences. Then, after this journey is said and done, I’ll pull out the album show a friend who wonders why I would ever keep such old, ugly things.

“Why would you keep any of this?” she would ask as I flipped the plastic pages to the next story.

And I’d shrug.

Because I didn’t know what else to do with them.

***

“Wonderful Life” by Two Door Cinema Club

“Ramona” by Jukebox the Ghost

“Out of Style” by The Wrecks

***

Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there,

July 19, 2022 0 comments

| Weekly Post-Eds |

Weekly Post-Ed #34

by Robert Hyma May 11, 2022

written by Robert Hyma

MOONLIGHTING

Watching the latest Marvel Disney+ series has become a weekly staple. WandaVision and Loki were experimental in ways that helped bolster the Marvel Cinematic Universe and expanded upon ideas that helps set up movies in ways that, perhaps, were not going to go over well if entirely introduced through films alone. Every little bit helps, especially with a concept like the Multiverse, and a rendition of explanations for how it all stems together (time travel, multiple selves, multiple realities, and the consequences of traveling from one to the other) makes it all a bit easier to swallow.

If your head is spinning from that paragraph alone, then wait, there’s more.

Moon Knight is a show that follows the superhero exploits of a man suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or commonly known as multiple personalities. Oscar Isaac plays two completely different characters mashed into one: the English-speaking Steven Grant, and the former mercenary Marc Spector who is responsible for donning the cape and cowl of the Moon Knight avatar in the first place.

Oh, and not to mention that Moon Knight is endowed with the powers of the Egyptian god Khonshu, a 10-foot tall skeletal bird wrapped in mummy cloth and wielding a giant crescent staff.

What floored me about the show was Oscar Isaac’s versatility. It was easy to care for Steven Grant, the personality imbued with goodness and someone down on his luck, the character we begin the show following. And when the supernatural occurs (Egyptian creatures chasing after the unlucky Steven Grant) it was easy to like Marc Spector, the typical hero type with a messy, violent skillset and scarred past to heal from. Both sets of characters complimented the other and were eventually forced to work together in order to defeat a bigger threat—yet another Egyptian god shaped like a anthropomorphic crocodile/lady named Ammit and her biggest follower, Arthur Harrow (as played by the great Ethan Hawk).

The show builds around the mystery of how one personality (Steven Grand and Marc Spector) of hides from the other and just what happens when the two are forced to confront one another. In the greatest episode of the series, Marc and Steven are two separate entities attempting to escape death (or, really, an asylum designed by either Steven and Marc in order to cope with the realities of sharing a body between two completely separate personalities). It’s the deepest dive yet into the idea of self love, that even a made-up coping mechanism such as a personality (Steven Grant, it turns out) can be just as formidable and important as our original self, and that there can be love shared between the two.

My biggest gripe with the show is that the final episode felt rushed. A climax needed to take place with lots of action – and there was plenty with more Moon Knight fight scenes, giant kaiju battles between Egyptian gods, and another superhero borne from the action (whom I will not spoil) – and it felt like forty minutes was devoted to raising the ante. Maybe there was a question if the show could rebound with the previous episode being entirely devoted to the uncovering of backstory and the origins of Marc Specter and Steven Grant, but I think more trust needed to be placed in the two coming out of that headspace. Also, it was a heartbreaker that Ethan Hawk’s character, Harrow, was essentially tossed aside once the “true ” villain of the show emerged–a bit of an antithetical Dias Ex Machima in my opinion–I would have liked to see Harrow in the driver’s seat of his own actions and dealing with the consequences.

It just felt like the show was over and quickly. I wish there had been another act to put everything to rest.

But I suppose there will be a Moon Knight Season 2, so why give away all the tricks in a single run of the show? This certainly accounts for the twist ending in which [REDACTED] happens. Crazy, I know.

Moon Knight was a very enjoyable watch. I’m always surprised and delighted at the subject matter Marvel explores with every new show, each new character. It truly is a big universe out there with the MCU, one that seems to never stop expanding.

***

DATES AND DETAILS #3

The Online Irish Goodbye

Since dating apps bear no real consequences when it comes to messaging someone, there’s often a lot of ghosting (people who suddenly stop responding). Can you really blame anyone, though? Most ghosting isn’t malicious or intended to hurt anyone; it is just the result of too much volume. When matching with others, you aren’t waiting around for ONE specific person to reply. No, you’re casting a wide net and trying to get as many bites back as you can. This inevitably leads to many conversations going on at once, and in many cases, you just don’t have the conversational bandwidth to keep up.

Some people get left behind. Or, that too much effort is required to keep the conversation going in the first place (ie. People who don’t ask questions, who don’t offer up details about their lives, and it makes it hard to comment–yeah, a little help on the other end would be nice).

Conversations trail away and that’s just the way of online dating. Hey, people lead busy lives, what do you expect?

But there’s another form of ghosting that’s unilaterally nasty in my opinion—and that’s un-matching someone without notice.

In my experience, here are the only times to un-match with someone:

After a consistent record of offensive comments has been said and the most viable option is to disconnect.
It’s been a long time since any interaction has taken place, which likely means no date is imminent anyway.
Ghosting by the other person and it’s been more than a week.

These scenarios make sense to drop someone.

However, there are conversations I’ve had where someone un-matches MID-CONVERSATION. As in the three bubbles of someone typing their reply is on screen and suddenly…

POOF!

Un-Matched.

So, why is this happening?

Since people are not altogether menacing (in my experiences), I don’t think the intention is to hurt anyone. Rather, un-matching is probably about circumstances rather than the person (maybe she realized you live far away and didn’t realize it before, or he has a political/religious view or job that doesn’t mesh well with your lifestyle, etc).

Either way, the conversation ends the same way and that’s with a complete lack of saying goodbye.

…which is kind of a rotten thing to do to someone, even by online standards.

No one is obligated in the modern age to be cordial or kind on the internet. You don’t have to “officially” end anything with a line-in-the-sand statement to say it is over, but I think it does say something about the person who DOES the considerate thing and braves a little honesty. I think it speaks to how upstanding and aware of boundaries the person is, and I often come away respecting those who would say a brief, “Hey, sorry, but it’s not going to work out between us.”

Of course, it’s easier NOT TO DO ANY OF THAT and, instead, give the ol’ Online Irish Goodbye where people just leave mid-conversation.

But it is a bit strange. Even in real life.

Have you ever experienced the Irish Goodbye? At party, say? Maybe you’ve been talking to someone, even platonically, and it’s going pretty well. You’re laughing. They’re laughing. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. And then this person just up and leaves??? You wonder what was wrong with that person. Why would leave without saying goodbye or having the decency to come up with a convincing lie?

EVEN THE LIE IS MORE CONSIDERATE THAN JUST DISAPPEARING!

Which is why, whenever I get the Ol’ Online Irish Goodbye, I come up with my own cover stories for those that suddenly disappear.

So, Erin, let me just say this:

“It’s ok, I get it. You’ve got a long history of OCD and when you see a stray dog from your cheap apartment window, you have to race after it, even at the cost of running into traffic and causing major accidents on rural roads (there were a fair few reported last week in the Grand Rapids area, please be forward and say you caused them, ok?). I know you wanted to check in with our pretty great conversation we were having, but the Sergeant in charge at the police station realized someone like you shouldn’t be dating, and immediately Un-Matched with me. He said it was for my own good. And you know? I have to agree.

“So, Erin, this comes from the bottom of my heart (so you know it’s true): I am definitely too good for you and it was the right decision to disappear without a trace. Best of luck, and may all dogs escape your psychopathic need to chase after them into oncoming traffic.

“Keep well (and properly medicated going forward).”

Robert

***

***

Wishing everyone as well as you can. You’re not alone out there,

May 11, 2022 0 comments

| Weekly Post-Eds |

Weekly Post-Ed #29

by Robert Hyma April 5, 2022

written by Robert Hyma

BUILT UPON KLEENEX BOXES

I’ve had a lingering sickness for the past two weeks (not Covid, thankfully), the kind that doesn’t go away or want to get better. I wonder if there are certain colds that the Kleenex company hopes makes the rounds more than others because it means going through (in my case) entire boxes of tissues at a time. The metrics would be read out in a stately board room with men in dapper suits and an elderly CEO standing at the head of the room-length mahogany table.

“Yes, this year’s cold and flu season should see a rise in boxes-per-household sold. If the numbers hold, this will be a record for most tissues sold in a single year.”

And instead of rounds of applause, every board member takes a single tissue and blows their nose into a moisturizing Kleenex tissue. Yes, every board member has a cold to show commitment to selling every box of Kleenex available.

The glass door of the boardroom opens abruptly, a sniffle and cough followed by, “Sorry, what did I miss? I was using the restroom.”

“Glen, I’m shocked! How could you miss the good news!” says the CEO.

“There’s always more work to do, isn’t there, sir?”

A wry, knowing smile wrinkles over the already wrinkled face of the elderly CEO (perhaps counter-wrinkling his expression into something unrecognizable) “Did you wash your hands after using the restroom?”

“Of course not,” says Glen with a cough and a grin (two contradictory actions–you try it). “I would never kill the germs this company could profit from!”

The members of the board, looking to one another, laugh, then look to one another once more to make sure they ought to be laughing, and finally erupt into unfiltered hilarity. But all is cut short by huffing and coughing fits that invariably leads to more blowing of noses into tissues from each board member’s box of Kleenex.

“That’s my boy!” sniffles the CEO. He coughs but doesn’t bother to cover his mouth. “I can rest easy knowing that the company will be in productive, germy hands once I’m gone.”

And the CEO was gone, the following week; he had forgotten to pack a Kleenex box on a swanky vacation to Kashmir and died of a nasal infection. He was 146-years-old.

His gravestone, placed in the Restricted Section of some (also swanky) New York City cemetery reads:

“Here lies a great man, not in a casket, but in the largest box of Kleenex ever made.”

A Post-Script:

I know nothing about the Kleenex company; that’s just what my family and I have always referred to facial tissues as. “Could you pass me a Kleenex?” “Do we have another box of Kleenex in the house?” “I’m running out of Kleenex upstairs.” Nothing against Kleenex, I just enjoy the vernacular of using the term KLEENEX as opposed to calling tissue by any other name.

I actually enjoy Puffs more, but, you know, I still call them Kleenex.

***

DATES AND DETAILS #2

The Kind of Texter Who…

DISCLAIMER: I’m by no means an expert with dating apps or claim to be (for there isn’t such a thing as a dating app expert anyway). Since I’m a single guy looking for a single gal, these are the things I’ve seen from my time with dating apps that are worth writing about. Please enjoy!

Here’s another prompt I find answered often on dating apps:

“I’m the Kind of Texter Who…”

Most answers follow this formula:

“Reads your text, thinks I’ve responded, but then I forget to press send.” *Smile*
“Responds hours later, or not at all—I don’t like to be on my phone all day.”
“Doesn’t.”

Are these women really bragging about how unpunctual and rude they are? No, even if it reads this way. Most women look at messages and don’t respond because – get this – they aren’t interested. It has nothing to do with obligation or being forgetful.

When the above responses are given for “I’m the kind of texter who…” what’s really being said is: I’m not available for just anyone. These responses are declarations of importance. These women are trying to say they are in demand and have busy, exciting lives that you (yes, you) must be impressive enough to be become a normal part of.

But why does any of this need to be said? Why answer this prompt at all? It’s a strange thing to declare yourself “too busy/important” to answer messages; what’s going on here?

From the array of dating advice articles I’ve sifted through, there still remains a chivalric code with how men and women should behave towards one another. A woman who lives a busy, exciting life must be chased after by a man who keeps coming back for more, because (and I’ve read this over and over again) “it is the man’s job to stand out by making the woman he’s messaging feel important and wanted.”

(Disclaimer: these are things that are constantly written about, which, to me, help perpetuate the stereotypes of how anyone behaves on dating apps. Also, dating apps are not organic ways of meeting people anyway, so perhaps 21^stcentury social ideas don’t apply in that pretend world, either. Just a thought…)

Considering how many woman answer this prompt in nearly the EXACT same way, I’m guessing there’s a tactic out there that this creates an air of mystery for men, that they will chase women all the more because of how unavailable they are. This owes to the axiom that the less available you are, the more someone wants you.

Except, it doesn’t work.

That’s because dating is, in this age, still about two people connecting, and it doesn’t work if you are intentionally withholding very basic acts of curtesy (like holding open doors and asking your match questions about their life as a means of basic conversation (because you don’t want to seem TOO interested by asking them questions, another widely held belief in the dating app world)).

Advertising that you are “too important” is a lame tactic, anyway. After all, you’re on a dating app—the POINT is to message and converse with someone in order to get to the DATE. If you’re not responding or reading your messages, what are you doing there? When I go to a bowling alley, I’m pretty sure I’m going to bowl…or else why would I go?

Any time I see someone answer the prompt, “I’m the kind of texter who…”, I immediately pass—with the same vigor and efficiency as when I see someone post their Instagram address on a dating app because, as many profiles skillfully lie: “I’m not on here often, follow me on Instagram and we can message better on there!”

To say you are not available is an attempt to seem more appealing than you really are. Men have fish pictures, women express their lack of availability (or scarcity).

Am I, the guy, saying in response to your prompt answer, “Oh, I wonder why you are so busy? I bet you are such an interesting and important person! I’ll inquire more!” No, I’m solely thinking, “Do you really not text anyone back because you don’t feel like it? Kind of a cruddy thing to do. I’ll pass.”

It’s much along the same lines of bravado as saying, “Yeah, I don’t wipe my ass most the time. Hey, I got things to do, DATES to go on—haven’t got TIME to check if I need a wipe or not!” *smiles*

Is that impressive?

If it is, I think that prompt – “I wipe my own ass when…” – will start making the rounds on dating apps, and, honestly, it might bring together a whole group of people that needed that connecting point in order to find someone in the first place—very likely the ones who answer the “I’m the kind of texter who…”

***

OH, AND A NEW LOOK!

I nearly forgot to mention the new look of the website (duh)! It’s based off Kirby: Star Allies that launched on Nintendo Switch in 2018. To this day, it is one of my favorite Kirby games because of the battle system, graphics, music, and a TON of guest characters added as playable fighters. It was truly a game of nostalgia love and remains a yearly playthrough for me.

And since a new Kirby game launched two weeks ago, it felt like the right time to make the website about the pink balloon/fighter/thing.

The graphics for the website, I must say, are some of my favorites I’ve made. The image behind my Author Image is a flat-design remake of the Dream Friends from the game, while the background image of the site (which I’ll post in all its glory below) is an original using the Copy Ability icons found in-game as the trail of warp stars following Kirby through space.

The logo at the top of the site is a rendition of Kirby: Star Allies and it was one of the most difficult to reproduce. I find that the amount of layers that goes making 3-Dimensional logos is quite extensive, and I wonder how advertising houses come up with them. I’m quite proud of my version and it was a fun 10 hours to make it!

***

NEW PLAYLISTS SECTION

One last item.

I posted my first playlist on the site. I like to find new music and assemble a playlist for each quarter of the year, building up around 20 tracks of new stuff I’ve found and liked, and I’ll be adding those selections to the website in case anyone wants something new to listen to.

There are some really great songs in this most recent playlist, so please check it out!

***

***

Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there,

April 5, 2022 0 comments

| Weekly Post-Eds |

Weekly Post-Ed #22

by Robert Hyma January 11, 2022

written by Robert Hyma

AGDQ 2022

https://www.twitch.tv/gamesdonequick

Perhaps you’ve experienced this before: you hear about something again, maybe you’ve forgotten about it for a long time, but the moment you hear of it there’s this immediate elation, that feeling that so much good can come because of it?

(I can hear some of yours answers: kids after picking them up from daycare, Thai food, reruns of the hit show The Big Bang Theory).

What’s that thing for me?

It’s a marathon charity event called Awesome Games Done Quick.

For those of you that don’t know, Awesome Games Done Quick is a week-long charity event featuring some of the best speedrunners from around the world (people who play video games in the quickest manner possible depending on the category—think: beating Super Mario Bros. 3 in under 2 minutes!). It’s a 24/7 online event streamed over 7 days over at Twitch.tv showcasing some of the best runs of video games, all the while raising money for the Prevent Cancer Foundation. Historically, the event has raised an average of 2 million dollars per event, all of which goes to charity and a good cause.

What makes Awesome Games Done Quick such a wholesome spectacle is it’s commitment to two great mediums: a showcase of some of the most talented people in the world demonstrating their craft, and also that of a group of people coming together to do some good in the world. And after the beginning of the New Year, when signs of abandoned resolutions and the bitter uptick in wintry weather begins, there’s no better place to look for goodness than those institutions that come around to remind us of joy and community working towards something greater.

Unfortunately, the event will be remote this year again due to the newest resurgence of Covid-19, but none of that detracts from the mission of putting on a good show. AGDQ is truly unique in that people from every walk of life tune in, either to bask in the once-upon-a-time glory of nostalgia, or to support a favorite streamer or game being featured. Tens of thousands watch at any given moment during the 7-day marathon, taking the time to donate and connect through an event that blasts through bandwidth every January.

Here is a sampling of noteworthy runs I’m looking forward to this week:

AGDQ 2022 airs January 9-15. Below is a link to the Twitch.tv stream. You can check out the schedule of games being played here.

***

DATES & DETAILS #1

[This is the beginning of a new segment called Dates & Details where I give short anecdotes of things I’ve experienced while online dating over the past few months. These aren’t exactly stories, more like small happenings that I’ve found peculiar and worth writing about. I’ll post about these experiences from time to time when they arise, starting with this first segment below about matching up with others…]

Refuted Match

I’ve seen this a few times where someone attempts to match with me through a comment that disputes something I had put on my dating profile. The most recent example was someone who responded with “It takes more than 2 days to travel across the country by train.”

So, in hopes of helping anyone else who has the idea of refuting a dating profile prompt, here’s my advice: don’t do it.

If you’re curious, this woman’s comment was attached to this prompt: Two Truths and a Lie. My answer to this prompt was:

“1.) Once took a two-day train ride across the country…in coach, 2.) Hockey player, 3.) Discovered Uranium.”

Not a bad prompt answer, but not the greatest. However, quality is mostly beside the point. Other than following the rule: “don’t be boring, be specific,” the point of a prompt is act as an ice-breaker, something that gets the conversation started. Answers are not facts, nor are they intended to be. I’m not writing my Wikipedia page on a dating profile, I’m just trying to catch your eye about something. Likewise, if someone has photos of themselves skydiving, it doesn’t mean they are avid skydivers or know the mechanics of jumping out of small aircraft like an expert…it’s just something they did once and thought interesting to share. Photos of adventure seekers are saying, “I like adventures and want someone who also enjoys this sort of thing, are you someone like me?”

That’s because prompts are really segues into the bigger discussion of, “Do we have chemistry or not?” Which, in my own personal experience, is only discovered once out on an actual date.

So, what was this person doing by refuting my prompt? What was the play?

I think someone who needs to refute the “accuracy” of something said on a dating profile isn’t trying to connect with someone at all; they are being confrontational for their own sake. It’s an insecurity, which is often why people attack one another. I’m guessing this person has had little luck with getting responses and is going on the attack because nothing else is working. It could be bitterness, it could be a lot of things, but when there’s a lack of curiosity when reaching out to someone new, there’s also a lack of confidence, and it says much more about you (the attacker) than it does me (the dating prospect).

In my opinion, when you refute a part of someone’s dating profile, it also disqualifies you as a candidate for a date (which, get this, is the point of a dating app). You’re not going to change anyone’s mind about what they said in the prompt. Even if someone wrote, “I once traveled to the capital of Michigan, Detroit, and hated it,” by telling someone, “Uh, the capital of Michigan is actually Lansing,” is not going to change their answer. And really, as an experienced dating app user, you should have learned enough about this person based on the incorrect location of where he/she thinks the capital of Michigan is, so the answer is to move along to the next person anyway.

Online dating isn’t about “being right”, it’s about finding someone compatible with you.

If you want to be confrontational from the start, what does that say about the potential first date? Am I going to have to defend myself against a chronic fact-checker? Is this person like this always? Refutation is a bad first impression, simply put.

In my own defense (since I’m willing to share my prompt with all of you), this person read the answer to my prompt incorrectly. She thought I meant, “It only takes two days on a train to travel across the country.” What I actually said was, “I spent two days on a train traveling across the country,” meaning, I spent two days OF TIME on a train traveling across the country. I didn’t mean that was the precise, physical distance a train travels to get to the other side of the country.

Which, you know, says more about her than it does for me, obviously.

Then again, I’m the fool writing about this on the internet, so who is really the smart one here?

Either way, I’ll shrug at this just as I did when deleting her comment and move on my merry way.

***

THE SWITCH TO APPLE MUSIC

This is likely to be one of the more controversial things I write about, but it must be said bluntly:

I’ve made the switch from Spotify to Apple Music.

*Cue the boos and cries of treason here.*

I know, I know. Such news is scandalous and I’m sure there’s something to answer for…but I just don’t care. I’m not a devoted user of any platform so much as I see the current benefit of using it. I was an Android user for several years but have made the switch to Apple. And not for some fanboy-ism reason, but simply because the platform does what I need it to do right now—I like how everything is integrated between devices.

So, what was wrong with Spotify? Nothing, it’s a great platform. Apple Music, in my experience, just sounds better on an Apple Device, and (whether this is imagined or not) that’s really the only reason for the switch. Spotify has a better interface, easier music liking features, better sharing capabilities, and the catered playlists are pretty damned good, too.

But I like the uptick in sound quality I have with Apple Music, so I’ll stay this route for a while longer.

So, with that, I’ll shrug at all the ill will about which platform to support (supposing a thing should ever be important on this website—I don’t care either way). I like what I like, and that’s all there is to it.

What matters, really, is finding new music, which continues below with some great new finds. Here’s the list this week and a new graphic to go with it:

***

Wishing everyone as well as they can be. You’re not alone out there,

January 11, 2022 0 comments