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| Weekly Post-Eds |

Weekly Post-Ed #64

by Robert Hyma February 28, 2024
written by Robert Hyma

REBIRTH

Courtesy of SQUARE ENIX

At midnight tonight, one of the greatest games of all time will release on PS5, FINAL FANTASY VII: REBIRTH. I’ve had this date circled on my calendar for an entire year, which is amazing because I do not use calendars—I bought one just to circle this specific date. In fact, I’ve marked many calendars of unsuspecting college students on campus, which would have been great insider marketing for SQUARE ENIX, the game’s developer, if only I had been more specific.

“It’s almost here!”

“Rebirth!”

“You’re not doing anything else today!”

In hindsight, I could have been more specific. It looks like I was either advertising the apocalypse or an upcoming baby shower. Specificity, it turns out, is important.

In celebration of FINAL FANTASY VII: REBIRTH launching tonight, the website has been designed with the updated meteor logo to celebrate. In the background of each webpage, you’ll find the Lifestream glowing luminescent green, a tribute to the planet’s life blood. I’ll include the full images below to view in all their glory.

There has seldom been a time when I’ve known exactly what the routine of each day will consist of. The next three weeks run like this: Watch the next segment of FFVII: REBIRTH and other stuff. I’m not even sure what would pry me away from devouring this game, so feel free to leave a comment about what has been happening in the world should it be so important—Like discovering aliens have casually lived on the dark side of the moon all along but have just run out of light bulbs. 

If I catch wind of anything, I’ll have my suspicions of who was behind it all anyway—and it will be sung in chorus glory:

“Sephiroth!”

***

TIM FERRISS AND DATING

The video above is of Tim Ferriss. The premise, if you haven’t watched his YouTube channel before, is to embark on a task and figure out the most optimal means of achieving it. Whether its mastering job interview skills, perfecting a golf swing quickly, or starting a small business, Tim’s videos demonstrate that perseverance and creativity are the difference in achieving any task even in the face of inevitable rejection.

Including dating, apparently.

In the video above, Tim does something fascinating: He employs three experts to help in the major markets for dating. I’ll keep this summary brief. His experiments included optimizing online dating profiles with the help of a computer programmer to gather statistics for the most swipeable profile. Next, he hired the coaching of famous New York Times dating expert and journalist Neill Strauss to learn how to cold approach women in public. Finally, he hired a matchmaker with an extensive client list in order to be matched from an extensive personality survey.

In short, these are the three main methods of attracting dates.

With each method, Tim stumbles his way into procuring three dates that are all to meet at a cocktail party at a swanky San Francisco bar, along with a plethora of friends and cameras roaming around.

What was most useful about watching Tim was observing the nature of dating apps and cold approaching women in public. Tim learned much about algorithms with online dating: What yields the greatest results in terms of demographics, what keywords are the most condusive for matches, and what photos are most effective (Hint for men: shirtless and with a pet seem to do the trick). Ultimately, he concludes that online dating can be finicky even with these metrics and suggests the nature of it is High volume, low Results.

In my dating life, this has proven true as well.

Next came cold approaching. His undercover coach, Neil Strauss, is famous for his book on dating gamesmanship called The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, but his small hints about intentionality and confidence when approaching women were strikingly simple and effective: Don’t linger, hesitating borders on creepy, just approach, and start with something conceptual and light to get the conversation started:

“Should I buy a small or a medium if I don’t know my sister-in-law’s shirt size?”

It’s a foot in the door and, as Tim asserts, more informative than an online dating service since meeting IRL offers a glimpse into personality: chemistry, smell, sound of voice, signs of kindness, creativity, charm, etc. 

The matchmaker system proved to be the most sterile of the three approaches, essentially giving 100% control to someone’s reputation. However, matchmakers have a lucrative business for a reason and the service tends to work out (otherwise why would this person be in business?).

With three dates in tow, Tim invited them all to a special cocktail party.

This is where the video trailed into odd territory: All three dates were invited to the same party and invariably met one another. 

Has this ever happened on a date of yours? 

Of course not; no one dates by volume in one go. A few years ago, I had a joint job interview with two other candidates. We all felt the same as the dates in Tim’s video: We knew there must be other dates, but we really didn’t need to meet them in person.

To Tim’s credit, it was a packed cocktail party where other dates were “available”, but how strange to be invited on a date and offered a crowd of alternative mates in case the two of you don’t hit it off.

Insensitive isn’t quite the word for the ending of the video. Unrealistic, maybe. Dating, from my experience, is much more intentional. While it is easy to drown in the gratification of numbers of matches and discussions that lead nowhere on dating apps, once a date is planned, there’s a shift in atmosphere—there’s an honest attempt to feel each other out.

In all, I learned much from the section on cold approaching. I like that it acts as a sampler date. Plus, it’s become more of social stigma to approach someone and open up to discussion, which isn’t so much a symptom online dating taking over, but of isolation that generally keeps human beings from connecting with strangers today.

As far as dating goes, Tim concludes rightly that it is worth utilizing whatever resources are available to try for dates. There are pros and cons to each platform, of course. My view with dating is to simply be intentional. Know what you want, value yourself and your standards, and be genuinely interested in learning about other people. What’s hotter than a genuine listener? 

As for Tim’s dates, it’s hard to imagine there were any more dates scheduled after the cocktail party. I felt bad for his dates, which might be the wider/unintentional message of the video: Even with guys like Tim, dating sucks.

If there was a lesson to glean, it was this: If there’s a camera crew at the cocktail party of your date and they are filming all your exchanges, this likely isn’t the man for you.

Good luck Tim, on your next date.

***

A BIT OF A CONUNDRUM

It’s difficult to write when all that is going into a writer’s mind is one subject. Right now, I’m writing a 25-page thesis paper that has me reading peer reviewed sources from academic journals, books by academics, and a slew of interviews and other secondary sources for my final semester in college.

In short: I’ve been struggling to come up with things to write about since, honestly, I’ve been programming myself to think about one subject. And while I could write about the process of writing a thesis, putting it all together has proven difficult to get outdoors and experience anything worth writing about.

So, I’ll put it to you: Would any of you wish to read about my thesis and the process of getting it written?

I’ll leave it up to all of you. I’ll keep my findings light and breezy, but anticipate more of that material bleeds into Weekly Post-Eds.

At least for the next 2 months.

Let me know in the comments below. Otherwise, I’ll do my best to lift my gaze from the blaring computer monitor and see something else happening in the world that isn’t related to endless research and academic writing.

Even your comments would be a breath of fresh air at this point.

***

Along with FINAL FANTASY VII: REBIRTH, the music from its predecessor is some of the best video game music ever made. Click on the album art below and listen to some of the greatest orchestra music ever made.

Courtesy of Spotify

***

Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there. Happy FFVII: REBIRTH launch!

February 28, 2024 0 comments
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| Weekly Post-Eds |

Weekly Post-Ed #56

by Robert Hyma May 31, 2023
written by Robert Hyma

HAIR ENTANGLEMENT THEORY

A little side observation before getting to the guts of this Weekly Post-Ed: There are a lot of English idioms having to do with HAIR. Here are a few:

  • A bad HAIR day
  • By a HAIR’s length
  • Getting in someone’s HAIR
  • Having your HAIR stand on end (turns out it was always END instead of IN, which makes much more sense visually after having looked up these expressions—the more you know)
  • Tearing one’s HAIR out

And on and on and on.

HAIR is a fascinating characteristic of human beings. And clearly, HAIR is so important that it expresses sentiment like no other body part could. 

  • A bad MOUTH day? | Nah.
  • Tearing one’s FINGERNAILS out? | Ouch, no thanks.
  • Crawling into one’s…

Well, you get the point.

Lately, I’ve come to appreciate HAIR in a different way. To one-two-skip-a-few my way past some central details, I’m currently in a romantic relationship (or, maybe I mean a romantic entanglement? You know, because HAIR gets tangled and so do our romantic lives…they en-tangle? Get it? Fine, I’ll drop it…). And in those early stages of dating, we start to wonder when things are official. How does anyone know they’ve been dating long enough to be in a relationship?

It’s an awkward classification. No one wants to come out and ask, “Hey, would you like to be my girlfriend now?” Not cool. In fact, there’s such a debate about how the current dating scene enters into relationships that the topic is avoided altogether. Dates with the same partner can go on and on, stretching past half a year without any signifier in place. Sure, your date comes to family events at this point, hangs out with your friends, and all the steps of “getting serious” have been checked off…but when a friend asks, “Is that your girlfriend?”

You reply, “I don’t know.”

This is called a situationship—a purposely undefined relationship that has all the fixings of normal couplehood…but without the finicky mess when two people break up and it doesn’t hurt as much?

I’m not really sure what the point of the situationship is. To me, they don’t really exist—it’s just a crudely veiled couple doing couple-things and we all know what’s going on (much like a five-year-old when asked what just broke in other room where they were playing says, “I don’t know.”)

Right—we all know.

“It’s 2023,” you say (yes, YOU—thanks for interrupting, jeez). “Why do we even need labels?”

We don’t. Good point. But I just wanna know if people are together, don’t you? 

Dating today is like binge watching a new show that has you hooked—at a certain point, you just want the love interest to get together because you can’t take the suspense any longer.

“Just kiss already!” you scream at the romantic comedy playing out before your eyes. “I get that I’m watching four episodes at a time for a show that was meant to be consumed weekly, but it’s killing me! Just kiss! Come on!”

Yeah, that’s how it feels when it appears obvious things are progressing well with a new romantic partner.

Luckily, there is another way of knowing a relationship is on the right track, and it has to do with HAIR.

I would wager that most of us have experienced this very thing: When a relationship is getting serious, there is suddenly a significant amount of HAIR from your significant other all over the place. It starts sticking to clothes after a date, which is cute, but then the entire thing turns into a full-blown springtime HAIR pollination. Soon, HAIR finds its way under your clothes, in wallets and purses, in the bathroom sink, or tangled (en-tangled? Right, right) in jewelry/watches/earrings. It sticks to car seats, ends up in leftovers from the night before, and is found in crevices and corners of the house where this person has yet to tread!

Soon, there’s no escaping it—this person’s HAIR clings to you, like some cosmically connected puppet strings.

That’s because, my friend, this is the Universe’s way of informing that you two are, officially, together.

Ever hear of string theory? Right, well this is basically the same thing—but with HAIR and romantic couples. It’s called Hair Entanglement Theory. It’s very scientific.

Yup.

So, the next time HAIR starts appearing in all the randomest places (including the inside of the coffee filter or spontaneously caught in your mouth), you will know why. Nature is quite literally entangling (I know, enough with the puns, but this one feels passable) you with this other person.

It’s like an unconscious marking-of-territory…but with HAIR.

And I love it. It’s endearing. For now. I assume it stays that way. Always? Yes…I think…maybe.

But in the meantime, feel free to sound off in the comments about the most bitchin’ of lint rollers!

***

AND NOW THE TEARS COME…

About this new website look: Perhaps you’ve noticed a slight aesthetic change while scrolling through this Weekly Post-Ed. If it looks familiar, you may have heard of this little game that came out recently, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s fine. It’s just this little arthouse game developed by a little-known publisher from a little known country for little-to-no fanfare and—

Oh forget it: IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT THIS GAME, YOU’VE BEEN UNDER A ROCK—ONE WITHOUT A HIDDEN KOROK!

“Ya hah ha! You found me!”
Courtesy of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

The latest iteration of The Legend of Zelda is the most surprising sequel in that it exceeds the puzzle-solving, creative mechanics of the previous game, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, in almost every way. The game takes every element of world exploration and ratches it up to new heights (both in the sky and below ground). Never has a sequel been so anticipated to be lackluster before launch and has completely knocked the socks off of anyone who has played it.

Yeah, it’s a big friggin’ deal, this game.

So, in celebration of the new Zelda title, I hope you all enjoy The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom website makeover, complete with new logo and original artwork. It was time to freshen up the website, something blossoming with the life of spring and summer (which, if you live in Michigan, has been tragically absent the past two months—until this past week, coincidentally). There’s no better video game homage to nature and how integrated the inhabitants of this world are connected through its influence than The Legend of Zelda series.

Take a moment to browse the new logo and accompanying artwork below!

***

SUMMER REUNION DONE QUICK 2023

Courtesy of TheYetee.com

It’s that special time of summer: Summer Games Done Quick 2023. For those in the know, SGDQ is a 7-day charity event streaming on Twitch.tv showcasing speedruns of games new and old. The event raises money for MSF (Doctors Without Borders) and has since raised nearly 40-million dollars throughout the event’s history for charities around the world. Not only that, it’s an event that brings together the gaming community for a great cause while celebrating tentpole gaming series such as: Super Mario Bros, Sonic the Hedghog, Super Metroid, Mega Man, The Legend of Zelda, Dark Souls, and so much more.

TL;DR: SGDQ 2023 is simply a very entertaining way to spend an hour or two watching the best Speedrunners in the world showcase some old favorites and newly released games receiving the speedrun treatment.

Since I don’t have exact numbers, I’m going to say this is my tenth year tuning into Games Done Quick events (although, I could look through my collection of event T-shirts bought from by TheYetee.com—please check out their designs for SGDQ 2023; they make the best shirts *smiles*). While I’m always excited for the marathon to begin, I find that I tune in less and less throughout the seven-day event each year. This isn’t a knock on event organizers or the games on offer—instead, I think my sensibilities have changed. When I first stumbled across this event, the shock of seeing the original Super Mario Bros. beaten in 30-minutes was unthinkably fast—just some guy holding down the run button and evading every lava pit and koopa-troopa on screen en route to beating a game in under a half hour, something that I never could do during my entire childhood.

And after ten years of watching, I’ve seen my favorite games speedrun(ran?) multiple times. While I’m still hankering to donate, grab the event T-shirt, and support a great cause with a fantastic gaming community, I find I am not willing to visit as often as before.

At this juncture, GDQ Events feel like a family reunion that you’ve attended every year and are considering skipping for this next time.

Then again, this is FAMILY we’re talking about, so maybe buck it up and pay a little visit just to show everyone that, yes, you still love them.

(This became SLIGHTLY autobiographical, but I think the same theme rings true for both.)

What I’m most excited for, now, is watching the latest batch of time-saves and shaved minutes off of previous my favorite games that haven’t appeared in the marathon for a few years. For example, when I first watched the Luigi’s Mansion 100% speedrun from six years ago, the estimated time was around 1 hour 34 minutes. As of Sunday evening, the time it took to complete the game was down to 1 hour 9 minutes. It’s inspiring to see communities of players discover new tricks and tactics to games that were released 20+ years ago. And the quest to find even more is still going on.

Whatever way you slice SGDQ 2023 – if tuning in for the first time or are a veteran viewer of the marathon – it’s an event that always gives. Whether this means viewers contributing donations for the first time, testimonials about how much finding a community of friends meant from attending, or tickling that nostalgia fancy with all those games from growing up, SGDQ 2023 offers something for everyone.

Plus, like family, you’re always welcome back for the yearly get-together. No strings attached.

Here are the runs that I’m looking forward to for the remainder of the week (NOTE: These are the times as of this writing–they are bound to fluctuate throughout the event, so keep an eye on the up-to-date schedule here)

***

  1. “Little Boxes” by Walk Off the Earth
  2. “Pink Chateau” by In The Valley Below
  3. “Solar Power – Spotify Singles” by Glass Animals

***

Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there,

May 31, 2023 0 comments
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| Weekly Post-Eds |

Weekly Post-Ed #45

by Robert Hyma September 14, 2022
written by Robert Hyma

SPARKS OF REDESIGN

And Voila! A new website redesign is here, this time in the guise of Mario+Rabbids Sparks of Hope. It’s the long-awaited sequel to Mario+Rabbids Kingdom Battle, a funny/farcical take on Mario, Princess Peach, Bowser, and the rest. The Mushroom Kingdom is overrun by Rabbids—derpy, bipedal bunny-like creatures with serious sass and pratfall tendencies. In the original strategy game, Mario must team up with a team of Rabbid lookalikes to battle against an interdimensional onslaught of opposing Rabbids that have teamed up with Bowser. Position your team behind walls and barricades, pick the right combination of weapons and abilities, and outmaneuver the opposing team of villains in this turn-by-turn strategy game full of charm.

            Mario+Rabbids Kingdom Battle brought a humorous take to the world of Super Mario Bros. It was a joy to explore all the environments, solve puzzles, find new weapons and abilities to use in battle. I have little doubt that the sequel will push the boundaries of the strategy RPG (including a recent reveal trailer that Rayman, the hero from the world that the Rabbids originate from, will be added later after release) and will be a must-play title by the end of the year.

            Included below is the new logo of the site and artwork behind the Header: a constellation of Rabbid-Mario characters spread across the night sky, including a classic Rabbid wielding a plunger from the Rayman: Raving Rabbids box art on the left-most side of the canvas. Enjoy the gallery below!

            Mario+Rabbids Sparks of Hope launches October 20, 2022 for Nintendo Switch.

***

LIKE, IT’S JUST, LIKE, TOO MANY LIKES?

            Like, I’m sure someone else has tackled the subject of hearing someone speak with a “like” problem before. Like, you know what I mean. Everything is, like, preceded by the word “like” and, like, it becomes so distracting that, like, I don’t even know what’s being said anymore.

            There is a girl in one of my classes who loves the word “like”. Like, she uses it every third or fourth word, rendering her sentences, like, indecipherable. Like, she means well, but, like, I just lose interest and can’t, like, follow what she’s, like, saying.

            And, like, all the more credit to the professor who, like, is patient with her and nods his head until she’s, like, done speaking. It takes a toll to, like, listen to her, though. Like, the professor, like, coaxes her along with grunts and, like, other hurrying phrases like, “Yeah,” and, “Right,” that, like, is a kind of verbal countdown to, like, hurry the f*** up.

            Like, I’ve been trying to figure out how someone, like, can use the word “like”, like, so much. I assume, like, it’s a nervous tick, a placeholder to give more, like, time to find the right words to, like, say.

            “Right. Yeah.”

            And, like, that isn’t the end of it. Then, like, she ends every sentence as a, like, question? So that, like, no one is, like, sure if she’s asking something instead? So, it, like, becomes a series of higher intonations that, like, becomes more annoying?

            Like, you know?

            “Yeah. Right.”

            So, like, I shut down and can’t, like, keep listening to her. I only hear, like, all the “likes”. And soon I get to wondering if, like, there has ever been any other word used in place of, like, “like”? For myself, I, like, sometimes use “umm” instead of “like”. Like, umm, it gives me time to, like, think of what to say next, so, umm, like, it isn’t as, umm, distracting?

            You know?

            And, like, I’m trying to write about this stuff and, umm, like, does any of this work in, like, umm, writing? 

            “Right. Yeah.” 

            Because, like, umm, I’m trying to put together this Weekly Post-Ed and, like, umm, I’m trying to come up with something decent to say? But, like, I’m writing, umm, like, nothing.

            “Right. Yeah.”

            Umm.

            Like, I don’t want to waste anyone’s, umm, time reading this. You know? Umm. This is, like, supposed to be a place to read something slightly, umm, like, humorous? You know? Like, what if someone, like, reads this and, umm, finds it tedious or ANNOYING, like, and not entertaining?

            Like, is that possible?

            You know?

            I don’t know.

            “Yeah. Right.”

            Maybe I should, like, hurry up. Like, why keep going? Umm, what do you think?

            “Yeah. Right. Ok, let’s move on to another opinion,” says my professor cutting the “like” girl off in the middle of her, like, tangent. 

            And it’s, like, the rightest thing he’s done yet for the class?

            You know?

            “Right. Yeah.”

**

            In all seriousness, no writer has done justice to the word “like” since the poet Taylor Mali. Linked below is his poem “Like Lilly Like Wilson” that he performed on HBO’s Def Poetry. It’s still one of my favorite spoken-word poems and definitely worth the listen:

***

SOME GOOD NEWS

            In a double dose of video game news, Nintendo held a fall Direct, and PlayStation held a State of Play in the same day. Both consoles are deep into their lifespans (with the regrettable price increase for the PS5 that took place recently) and so there’s a large delineation with what products are on offer. With Nintendo, game announcements are mostly tailored towards remakes and ports coming to the console, while the PlayStation game catalogue grows more robust with a console still reaching its performance potential.

            Both companies appeal to different fanbases, and the direction of each news conference is proof of that. Nintendo is maintaining its audience towards the end of the Switch’s lifecycle, while PlayStation is further separating itself with graphically impressive, denser story-driven content.

            Here’s a few highlights I’m looking forward to:

MARIO+RABBIDS SPARKS OF HOPE

            A new trailer debuted yesterday, and showing a charming battle aboard a Wiggler Train, something that I didn’t know I wanted! As I stated above, the game looks fantastic and I can’t wait to play it in the next month.

**

TEKKEN 8

            In a shocking reveal, TEKKEN 8 was revealed with a teaser trailer showing off the much-improved graphics from its predecessor, TEKKEN 7 (that launched over 10 years ago, my god!). The trailer features an action-packed bout between Kazuya and Jin, the two centerpieces of the current franchise. The trailer is beautiful and linked below:

**

THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: TEARS OF THE KINGDOM

            Finally! The sequel to The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild received an official title card and logo! Despite a series of delays that made many question if this game was really coming out, it appears the fate of Hyrule will finally be known by the summer of 2023. The trailer was vague on specifics other than a vertical island system that will prove integral to the puzzle mechanics of the world, but a sigh of relief was heard around the internet to finally see some news on the storied franchise.

            Freakin’ finally.

**

GOD OF WAR: RAGNARÖK

            This was my favorite reveal of the day. PlayStation’s most famous god butcher, Kratos, is about to unleash hell on the Nordic gods of Asgard in the sequel to the previous GOD OF WAR. The trailer is fantastic, showing exotic locales interwoven within mythological elements that truly evokes a sense of wonder. I can’t wait to see what’s in store (particularly with that climactic battle teased in the final seconds of the trailer).

            God of War: Ragnarök launches November 11. It cannot come soon enough.

**

            There were many more announcements, but these were the ones I was most excited for. It was a pretty snazzy day for video games, one that hasn’t come for a long time.

            What games are you look forward to? Shout them out in the comments below!

***

  1. “Reality Dreaming” by Strabe
  2. “Okay Okay” by Lights

***

Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there,

September 14, 2022 0 comments
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