thesis

IN THE THICK OF IT

This will be a short and sweet Weekly Post-Ed. I’m in the middle of writing the final portion of my thesis and the deadline is next week Wednesday (!!). I’ll have much to comment on this thesis after the deadline passes, but one lesson has been painfully learned from embarking on this final project: In doing difficult things, all the parts about oneself that have remained easily hidden or ignored comes into the light.

And it ain’t pretty.

There’s a laundry list of characteristics for what I mean by this, but my God—I overestimated the effectiveness of all the organizational skills and personal talent that makes up for much of my work ethic. Grinding through this thesis has been an uncomfortable confrontation with many of my creative shortcomings. It’s been a cathartic and fulfilling experience–don’t get my wrong–but the ouch of this realization hasn’t worn off yet. I’ll be in the middle of it until the deadline next week, but one thing is clear going forward: My creative process could use a tune up.

I’ll be more specific in the coming weeks about my experiences. It’s an uplifting kind of thing, not to worry. Until then, send help in the guise of your comments–they help a lot.

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ROBERT HYMA CASSEROLE

It’s not very often that a Weekly Post-Ed falls on one’s birthday, which is what today is.

Happy 35^th birthday to me

*Holds for stadium applause*

Every year, it seems, I reflect on my life and what it feels like to be yet another year older. There isn’t a significant difference year to year, but sometimes reflecting on age comes up in unexpected places. In class a few weeks ago, the topic of my age came up and I told the truth. I’ve found that if the topic of my age comes up in college, I’m naturally asked as a followup, “What does it feel like to be in your 30s?”

It’s a silly question once you get into your 30s. What does it feel like? Being one’s thirties.

It’s like asking a tree, “What is it like to be a tree?”

And the tree responds, “Like tree. It feels like tree.”

Once you get there, you know. But it’s also disappointing to get older. There’s often no identifiable ribbon of achievement other than the dirge of wrinkles and slightly less elastic skin. Being in one’s thirties feels the same as one’s twenties–only, the number is printed higher than one feels. I feel just as mentally competent and sharp as I did in my twenties, with a sense of identity that hasn’t shifted all that much. The only difference has been a slew of new life experiences to add to the catalogue of what it means to be Robert Hyma.

I suppose that’s the difference: Experiences.

Really, age isn’t something trackable other than a number. What often changes is experiences, which is something added to the dish being prepared.

The best I can describe it, experience feels like something. I, Robert Hyma, don’t feel any different than I did a decade ago (as I’ve said), but there is a difference–one that I can feel. It’s like eating your favorite dish but someone added extra salt to it. Depending how you felt about the dish, maybe the extra salt helps. Or, maybe it makes the dish too bitter now. But there’s nothing to be done about it now: Someone added the salt (experiences) and that’s what the dish tastes like now.

Optimistically, it’s an amount of salt that doesn’t make or break the dish. It’s extra and can be ignored if you like, but you know it’s there if one is really straining to taste the extra pinch of salt.

Experience, then, is just an added neutral ingredient to age. I’m still me at 35—a dish called Robert Hyma Casserole (for better or worse)—but I’m also a bit of something else I can’t quite describe, lest I ask the cook what else was put into the main course this time around.

And on this particular iteration of Robert Hyma Casserole (my birthday, I mean, if I’m being too abstract), I’d rather not know if what I’m tasting is an extra pinch of salt. Right now, I like the dish.

It tastes just right. I wouldn’t change a thing.

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ANY BIRTHDAY WISHES?

The most “old person” behavior in my adult life (that’s convenient enough for me to list, of course) is that I complain about my birthday like a crotchety geriatric that says, “I don’t want anything for my birthday!”

It’s true: I’ve reached a sum total of life pleasantries that I don’t need pine for anything more (outside of snap-decision items I purchase on a whim like fresh socks or elastic shoe strings–I’m not a monster, after all). And I realize my privilege by being in this position: There are many who don’t have the luxury of shrugging when family and friends ask what they can do for your birthday. Outside of some birthday gathering (in which I still assume the role of crotchety geriatric:
How long is party supposed to last?!”), I truly want nothing.

A birthday with nothing isn’t grounds for a pity party–it’s a celebration of just being. For once.

Which is what I really want for my birthday this year.

“To feel like tree,” a tree might say.

That’s what I want for me. And for you.

“Tree” as much as you need to “tree” today.

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Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there,

REBIRTH

Courtesy of SQUARE ENIX

At midnight tonight, one of the greatest games of all time will release on PS5, FINAL FANTASY VII: REBIRTH. I’ve had this date circled on my calendar for an entire year, which is amazing because I do not use calendars—I bought one just to circle this specific date. In fact, I’ve marked many calendars of unsuspecting college students on campus, which would have been great insider marketing for SQUARE ENIX, the game’s developer, if only I had been more specific.

“It’s almost here!”

“Rebirth!”

“You’re not doing anything else today!”

In hindsight, I could have been more specific. It looks like I was either advertising the apocalypse or an upcoming baby shower. Specificity, it turns out, is important.

In celebration of FINAL FANTASY VII: REBIRTH launching tonight, the website has been designed with the updated meteor logo to celebrate. In the background of each webpage, you’ll find the Lifestream glowing luminescent green, a tribute to the planet’s life blood. I’ll include the full images below to view in all their glory.

There has seldom been a time when I’ve known exactly what the routine of each day will consist of. The next three weeks run like this: Watch the next segment of FFVII: REBIRTH and other stuff. I’m not even sure what would pry me away from devouring this game, so feel free to leave a comment about what has been happening in the world should it be so important—Like discovering aliens have casually lived on the dark side of the moon all along but have just run out of light bulbs.

If I catch wind of anything, I’ll have my suspicions of who was behind it all anyway—and it will be sung in chorus glory:

“Sephiroth!”

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TIM FERRISS AND DATING

The video above is of Tim Ferriss. The premise, if you haven’t watched his YouTube channel before, is to embark on a task and figure out the most optimal means of achieving it. Whether its mastering job interview skills, perfecting a golf swing quickly, or starting a small business, Tim’s videos demonstrate that perseverance and creativity are the difference in achieving any task even in the face of inevitable rejection.

Including dating, apparently.

In the video above, Tim does something fascinating: He employs three experts to help in the major markets for dating. I’ll keep this summary brief. His experiments included optimizing online dating profiles with the help of a computer programmer to gather statistics for the most swipeable profile. Next, he hired the coaching of famous New York Times dating expert and journalist Neill Strauss to learn how to cold approach women in public. Finally, he hired a matchmaker with an extensive client list in order to be matched from an extensive personality survey.

In short, these are the three main methods of attracting dates.

With each method, Tim stumbles his way into procuring three dates that are all to meet at a cocktail party at a swanky San Francisco bar, along with a plethora of friends and cameras roaming around.

What was most useful about watching Tim was observing the nature of dating apps and cold approaching women in public. Tim learned much about algorithms with online dating: What yields the greatest results in terms of demographics, what keywords are the most condusive for matches, and what photos are most effective (Hint for men: shirtless and with a pet seem to do the trick). Ultimately, he concludes that online dating can be finicky even with these metrics and suggests the nature of it is High volume, low Results.

In my dating life, this has proven true as well.

Next came cold approaching. His undercover coach, Neil Strauss, is famous for his book on dating gamesmanship called The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, but his small hints about intentionality and confidence when approaching women were strikingly simple and effective: Don’t linger, hesitating borders on creepy, just approach, and start with something conceptual and light to get the conversation started:

“Should I buy a small or a medium if I don’t know my sister-in-law’s shirt size?”

It’s a foot in the door and, as Tim asserts, more informative than an online dating service since meeting IRL offers a glimpse into personality: chemistry, smell, sound of voice, signs of kindness, creativity, charm, etc.

The matchmaker system proved to be the most sterile of the three approaches, essentially giving 100% control to someone’s reputation. However, matchmakers have a lucrative business for a reason and the service tends to work out (otherwise why would this person be in business?).

With three dates in tow, Tim invited them all to a special cocktail party.

This is where the video trailed into odd territory: All three dates were invited to the same party and invariably met one another.

Has this ever happened on a date of yours?

Of course not; no one dates by volume in one go. A few years ago, I had a joint job interview with two other candidates. We all felt the same as the dates in Tim’s video: We knew there must be other dates, but we really didn’t need to meet them in person.

To Tim’s credit, it was a packed cocktail party where other dates were “available”, but how strange to be invited on a date and offered a crowd of alternative mates in case the two of you don’t hit it off.

Insensitive isn’t quite the word for the ending of the video. Unrealistic, maybe. Dating, from my experience, is much more intentional. While it is easy to drown in the gratification of numbers of matches and discussions that lead nowhere on dating apps, once a date is planned, there’s a shift in atmosphere—there’s an honest attempt to feel each other out.

In all, I learned much from the section on cold approaching. I like that it acts as a sampler date. Plus, it’s become more of social stigma to approach someone and open up to discussion, which isn’t so much a symptom online dating taking over, but of isolation that generally keeps human beings from connecting with strangers today.

As far as dating goes, Tim concludes rightly that it is worth utilizing whatever resources are available to try for dates. There are pros and cons to each platform, of course. My view with dating is to simply be intentional. Know what you want, value yourself and your standards, and be genuinely interested in learning about other people. What’s hotter than a genuine listener?

As for Tim’s dates, it’s hard to imagine there were any more dates scheduled after the cocktail party. I felt bad for his dates, which might be the wider/unintentional message of the video: Even with guys like Tim, dating sucks.

If there was a lesson to glean, it was this: If there’s a camera crew at the cocktail party of your date and they are filming all your exchanges, this likely isn’t the man for you.

Good luck Tim, on your next date.

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A BIT OF A CONUNDRUM

It’s difficult to write when all that is going into a writer’s mind is one subject. Right now, I’m writing a 25-page thesis paper that has me reading peer reviewed sources from academic journals, books by academics, and a slew of interviews and other secondary sources for my final semester in college.

In short: I’ve been struggling to come up with things to write about since, honestly, I’ve been programming myself to think about one subject. And while I could write about the process of writing a thesis, putting it all together has proven difficult to get outdoors and experience anything worth writing about.

So, I’ll put it to you: Would any of you wish to read about my thesis and the process of getting it written?

I’ll leave it up to all of you. I’ll keep my findings light and breezy, but anticipate more of that material bleeds into Weekly Post-Eds.

At least for the next 2 months.

Let me know in the comments below. Otherwise, I’ll do my best to lift my gaze from the blaring computer monitor and see something else happening in the world that isn’t related to endless research and academic writing.

Even your comments would be a breath of fresh air at this point.

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Along with FINAL FANTASY VII: REBIRTH, the music from its predecessor is some of the best video game music ever made. Click on the album art below and listen to some of the greatest orchestra music ever made.

Weekly Post-Ed #67