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| Weekly Post-Eds |

WP#76: The Mysterious Case of the Embittered Speedrun Critic

by Robert Hyma July 13, 2024
written by Robert Hyma
Weekly Post-Ed #76 featured image. A font drawn to look wooden logs, over a flat background of pine trees, mountains, and a night sky with stars.

TEN YEARS A VIEWER…

This was my tenth year watching the charity marathon Summer Games Done Quick. The novelty of watching speedrunners is like watching magic for the first time. “You can beat Super Mario Bros. how fast??”

And behold the wizardry of a speedrunner with a NES controller, the run button pressed the entire duration of the game as Mario avoids death pits and chomping piranha plants sprouting from pipes with precision jumps. In the span of a healthy bathroom break, what seemed an impossible game to beat in childhood concludes with King Bowser falling into a lava pit as “Time!” is called.

It’s a staple to watch each year, and I do so out of a childhood love of all things video games and donating to great charities…but I admit that I feel more and more disconnected from the event after each year. What began as a cleared schedule to watch an entire week’s worth of gamers destroy every video game imaginable, I’ve become a bit of an art speedrun snob. I now watch the event an or so at a time, mostly to check out new games that have just released (like the recent Elden Ring DLC) or new speedruns that have yet to debut at the event (like the optimized Super Mario RPG Remake speedrun).

As for the games I found less than enticing to tune in for, I was surprisingly condescending before turning my attention elsewhere:

“Another Super Metroid race? Psht, didn’t they have that last year?”

“OOT again? Well, who’s the featured runner? Ugh, don’t care…”

“Another speedrunner with a couch of commentators spewing pessimism and sarcasm in place of actual humor or interesting commentary? Kill me.”

Meanwhile, I’m consciously aware of the incredible skill required to play these games at such high levels. Learning a speedrun, especially the kinds that are heavy with technical tricks and frame perfect button inputs, takes hundred and thousands of hours to master. The act of beating these games in front of tens of thousands of viewers is objectively impressive. 

So, why was the magic of speedrunning suddenly not enough? Why place the added criticism for a run to be new, technically impressive, AND entertaining to be worth my time?

That’s when I considered every other area of my life that has been upsold to be even “better”.

***

IYKYK

Is it enough to buy a computer? Or, should it be the best computer with the latest chipset and processor and screen?

What about art? Is it enough to be satisfied with the act of making something, or should we constantly compare ourselves, and settle for nothing less than worldwide fame?

What about romantic relationships? Should we settle for the person we’re currently seeing, or is there someone else out there who is even better?

In each scenario, there’s a perceived upsell in value: Having a better version of something—really, anything—must mean it is more valuable/meaningful/beautiful/worthwhile.

Except, what is the criteria for better?

When buying a computer, are the best specs really necessary? I was at the Apple Store recently and asked a Genius worker what the difference in performance was between the M3 Pro and M3 Max chipset in MacBook Pros. If you’ve read that last sentence and are already lost, then you understand the futility of shopping for the best of the best. As the Apple Genius said, “If you’re asking about the difference between the Pro and the Max, you probably don’t need the Max. If you know, then you know.”

Does fame help with making art? Never mind the debate about what constitutes good versus bad art, does volume and accolades really help? I’d argue it doesn’t outside of exposure. Fame is recognition from the outer world, whereas art is an investigation of the inner world. The only crossover is how the outer world impacts the inner world, which is the only impact fame makes when making more art (Again: IFYKYK).

As for relationships, I don’t think there’s a crisis of dubious or manipulative partners out there. No one enters into a romantic relationship with ulterior motives to use and discard someone—they just want something that works for them. The pitfalls of modern dating, in short summation, are in imagining a narrative in which our wants and needs can be theoretically met better by other people. 

In each scenario, we create a story in which we need the better person/inspiration/product. When I think of upselling, I think of skeevy salespeople trying to work a better deal from a customer. However, it’s worth remembering that the skeeviest salesman is, often, ourselves.

So, really: IYKYK.

***

SELF-CORRECTING CRITICISM

The comedian Neal Brennan has a fantastic joke in his Netflix special Crazy Good. He says: 

“In your 20s you’re going to realize you have emotional problems. And then in your 30s you’re going to be like, ‘I’m going to solve my emotional problems.’ And then in your 40s you’re going to be like, ‘It’s a shame I never did solve those emotional problems.’”

I forgot to mention much of my behaving like a critic towards SGDQ 2024 was only at the start of the charity marathon. By the end of the final night, Summer Games Done Quick felt like the Closing Ceremonies of the Olympic Games, comprised of every conceivable walk of life gathered together in celebration. And I was watching with full support.

What changed mind? A memory from watching SGDQ for the first time all those years ago.

I showed a friend a few highlights from the event. My friend is a gamer, too, and we grew up playing Mario and Donkey Kong and all the classics, so I thought his jaw would drop just as mine did after witnessing a speedrun. But after watching Super Mario. Bros. bested in under 10 minutes (a primitive version of the video above) my friend said, “What a waste to spend your life learning a useless skill. No one is going to care that you can beat Mario so fast.”

I was stunned. My friend loved video games; where was this criticism coming from? All these years later, I get it: His inner salesperson made an upsell: “There’s a better way of living life.”

What’s astounding about my friend’s response is the irony: Of course there was value in speedrunning video games; why else would I show him the video if there was none? Clearly, it has worth sharing.

And that’s the real magic trick with anything worth pursuing: True value comes from what is shared with others.

  • The computer is meaningless until we form a relationship with it; that’s why it’s difficult to trade in or throw away a product we’ve used for years (like selling an old car).
  • The artist isn’t successful because of the art—value emerges through the relationship with an audience.
  • Romantic partners are difficult to replace for numerous reasons, but the meaning of the ones we are with exist because of the moments and memories we’ve made with them.

“What’s the point in learning a useless skill?” 

Nothing—only the pleasure gleaned from practicing the skill and the connection it brings to others.

By the finale speedrun of SGDQ 2024, it was impossible to ignore how vast and powerful this community has become when coming together under a common cause. The event has become a sort of gameshow: donation incentives are all about adding content and hours to the event itself, resulting in FOMO—no one wants to miss out on the hot commodity runs gatekept behind high dollar amounts. And this is a good thing! It’s exciting to watch the status bars of added games hit 100% and the cathartic cheer of the live audience cheering, like high schoolers in a gymnasium, “Let’s go Twitch Chat! Let’s go Twitch Chat!”

And by the end of the event, one cannot help but want to be a part of it, too. Even from afar.

Maybe that’s why the marathon raises upwards of 2 million dollars per event. It’s a monetary measurement of togetherness.

***

A banner with a title: Spotify Weekly Finds.
  1. “The Hopeful Kind” by Spuddy
  2. “Every Other Night” by Peter Bjorn and John
  3. “Drastic Measures” by Bayonne

***

Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there,

The signature and website logo of Roberthymawrites.com that includes a calligraphic "R" following by a signature.
July 13, 2024 0 comments
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| Weekly Post-Eds |

Weekly Post-Ed #56

by Robert Hyma May 31, 2023
written by Robert Hyma

HAIR ENTANGLEMENT THEORY

A little side observation before getting to the guts of this Weekly Post-Ed: There are a lot of English idioms having to do with HAIR. Here are a few:

  • A bad HAIR day
  • By a HAIR’s length
  • Getting in someone’s HAIR
  • Having your HAIR stand on end (turns out it was always END instead of IN, which makes much more sense visually after having looked up these expressions—the more you know)
  • Tearing one’s HAIR out

And on and on and on.

HAIR is a fascinating characteristic of human beings. And clearly, HAIR is so important that it expresses sentiment like no other body part could. 

  • A bad MOUTH day? | Nah.
  • Tearing one’s FINGERNAILS out? | Ouch, no thanks.
  • Crawling into one’s…

Well, you get the point.

Lately, I’ve come to appreciate HAIR in a different way. To one-two-skip-a-few my way past some central details, I’m currently in a romantic relationship (or, maybe I mean a romantic entanglement? You know, because HAIR gets tangled and so do our romantic lives…they en-tangle? Get it? Fine, I’ll drop it…). And in those early stages of dating, we start to wonder when things are official. How does anyone know they’ve been dating long enough to be in a relationship?

It’s an awkward classification. No one wants to come out and ask, “Hey, would you like to be my girlfriend now?” Not cool. In fact, there’s such a debate about how the current dating scene enters into relationships that the topic is avoided altogether. Dates with the same partner can go on and on, stretching past half a year without any signifier in place. Sure, your date comes to family events at this point, hangs out with your friends, and all the steps of “getting serious” have been checked off…but when a friend asks, “Is that your girlfriend?”

You reply, “I don’t know.”

This is called a situationship—a purposely undefined relationship that has all the fixings of normal couplehood…but without the finicky mess when two people break up and it doesn’t hurt as much?

I’m not really sure what the point of the situationship is. To me, they don’t really exist—it’s just a crudely veiled couple doing couple-things and we all know what’s going on (much like a five-year-old when asked what just broke in other room where they were playing says, “I don’t know.”)

Right—we all know.

“It’s 2023,” you say (yes, YOU—thanks for interrupting, jeez). “Why do we even need labels?”

We don’t. Good point. But I just wanna know if people are together, don’t you? 

Dating today is like binge watching a new show that has you hooked—at a certain point, you just want the love interest to get together because you can’t take the suspense any longer.

“Just kiss already!” you scream at the romantic comedy playing out before your eyes. “I get that I’m watching four episodes at a time for a show that was meant to be consumed weekly, but it’s killing me! Just kiss! Come on!”

Yeah, that’s how it feels when it appears obvious things are progressing well with a new romantic partner.

Luckily, there is another way of knowing a relationship is on the right track, and it has to do with HAIR.

I would wager that most of us have experienced this very thing: When a relationship is getting serious, there is suddenly a significant amount of HAIR from your significant other all over the place. It starts sticking to clothes after a date, which is cute, but then the entire thing turns into a full-blown springtime HAIR pollination. Soon, HAIR finds its way under your clothes, in wallets and purses, in the bathroom sink, or tangled (en-tangled? Right, right) in jewelry/watches/earrings. It sticks to car seats, ends up in leftovers from the night before, and is found in crevices and corners of the house where this person has yet to tread!

Soon, there’s no escaping it—this person’s HAIR clings to you, like some cosmically connected puppet strings.

That’s because, my friend, this is the Universe’s way of informing that you two are, officially, together.

Ever hear of string theory? Right, well this is basically the same thing—but with HAIR and romantic couples. It’s called Hair Entanglement Theory. It’s very scientific.

Yup.

So, the next time HAIR starts appearing in all the randomest places (including the inside of the coffee filter or spontaneously caught in your mouth), you will know why. Nature is quite literally entangling (I know, enough with the puns, but this one feels passable) you with this other person.

It’s like an unconscious marking-of-territory…but with HAIR.

And I love it. It’s endearing. For now. I assume it stays that way. Always? Yes…I think…maybe.

But in the meantime, feel free to sound off in the comments about the most bitchin’ of lint rollers!

***

AND NOW THE TEARS COME…

About this new website look: Perhaps you’ve noticed a slight aesthetic change while scrolling through this Weekly Post-Ed. If it looks familiar, you may have heard of this little game that came out recently, The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s fine. It’s just this little arthouse game developed by a little-known publisher from a little known country for little-to-no fanfare and—

Oh forget it: IF YOU HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT THIS GAME, YOU’VE BEEN UNDER A ROCK—ONE WITHOUT A HIDDEN KOROK!

“Ya hah ha! You found me!”
Courtesy of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

The latest iteration of The Legend of Zelda is the most surprising sequel in that it exceeds the puzzle-solving, creative mechanics of the previous game, The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, in almost every way. The game takes every element of world exploration and ratches it up to new heights (both in the sky and below ground). Never has a sequel been so anticipated to be lackluster before launch and has completely knocked the socks off of anyone who has played it.

Yeah, it’s a big friggin’ deal, this game.

So, in celebration of the new Zelda title, I hope you all enjoy The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom website makeover, complete with new logo and original artwork. It was time to freshen up the website, something blossoming with the life of spring and summer (which, if you live in Michigan, has been tragically absent the past two months—until this past week, coincidentally). There’s no better video game homage to nature and how integrated the inhabitants of this world are connected through its influence than The Legend of Zelda series.

Take a moment to browse the new logo and accompanying artwork below!

***

SUMMER REUNION DONE QUICK 2023

Courtesy of TheYetee.com

It’s that special time of summer: Summer Games Done Quick 2023. For those in the know, SGDQ is a 7-day charity event streaming on Twitch.tv showcasing speedruns of games new and old. The event raises money for MSF (Doctors Without Borders) and has since raised nearly 40-million dollars throughout the event’s history for charities around the world. Not only that, it’s an event that brings together the gaming community for a great cause while celebrating tentpole gaming series such as: Super Mario Bros, Sonic the Hedghog, Super Metroid, Mega Man, The Legend of Zelda, Dark Souls, and so much more.

TL;DR: SGDQ 2023 is simply a very entertaining way to spend an hour or two watching the best Speedrunners in the world showcase some old favorites and newly released games receiving the speedrun treatment.

Since I don’t have exact numbers, I’m going to say this is my tenth year tuning into Games Done Quick events (although, I could look through my collection of event T-shirts bought from by TheYetee.com—please check out their designs for SGDQ 2023; they make the best shirts *smiles*). While I’m always excited for the marathon to begin, I find that I tune in less and less throughout the seven-day event each year. This isn’t a knock on event organizers or the games on offer—instead, I think my sensibilities have changed. When I first stumbled across this event, the shock of seeing the original Super Mario Bros. beaten in 30-minutes was unthinkably fast—just some guy holding down the run button and evading every lava pit and koopa-troopa on screen en route to beating a game in under a half hour, something that I never could do during my entire childhood.

And after ten years of watching, I’ve seen my favorite games speedrun(ran?) multiple times. While I’m still hankering to donate, grab the event T-shirt, and support a great cause with a fantastic gaming community, I find I am not willing to visit as often as before.

At this juncture, GDQ Events feel like a family reunion that you’ve attended every year and are considering skipping for this next time.

Then again, this is FAMILY we’re talking about, so maybe buck it up and pay a little visit just to show everyone that, yes, you still love them.

(This became SLIGHTLY autobiographical, but I think the same theme rings true for both.)

What I’m most excited for, now, is watching the latest batch of time-saves and shaved minutes off of previous my favorite games that haven’t appeared in the marathon for a few years. For example, when I first watched the Luigi’s Mansion 100% speedrun from six years ago, the estimated time was around 1 hour 34 minutes. As of Sunday evening, the time it took to complete the game was down to 1 hour 9 minutes. It’s inspiring to see communities of players discover new tricks and tactics to games that were released 20+ years ago. And the quest to find even more is still going on.

Whatever way you slice SGDQ 2023 – if tuning in for the first time or are a veteran viewer of the marathon – it’s an event that always gives. Whether this means viewers contributing donations for the first time, testimonials about how much finding a community of friends meant from attending, or tickling that nostalgia fancy with all those games from growing up, SGDQ 2023 offers something for everyone.

Plus, like family, you’re always welcome back for the yearly get-together. No strings attached.

Here are the runs that I’m looking forward to for the remainder of the week (NOTE: These are the times as of this writing–they are bound to fluctuate throughout the event, so keep an eye on the up-to-date schedule here)

***

  1. “Little Boxes” by Walk Off the Earth
  2. “Pink Chateau” by In The Valley Below
  3. “Solar Power – Spotify Singles” by Glass Animals

***

Wishing everyone as well as you can be. You’re not alone out there,

May 31, 2023 0 comments
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